something I really struggle with

Acceptance is a tricky thing, at least it is for me. Although with most of the little stuff in life I am pretty laid back, with the big things I am quite controling. It's kind of a heriditary trait for Sikes woman. Us Sikes woman we're high maintenance. Anyway I realized a while back that right now in my life acceptance is what Christ is patiently dealing with in me. Blessing me with three needy children so close in age was a great place to start. I'm finding it hard to hang on to everything going my way when so much of my time and energy and physicality is sacraficed for them. Since becoming a mom I really have learned just how exhausting and difficult it is to try and control someone even when that person is an infant. But I find that in my relationship with Bryan I am still struggleing. Because I am a woman and often get emotional, it's hard for me to see what I am doing in the moment. But I am beginning to see a long running pattern in my life. This is what happens a lot in my life (not just with Bryan) I have very specific, high expections that when not met throw me into the depths of despair. So then I begin to fight for what I thought should happen or who I think someone should be. I am very good at fighting. My arguements are air tight and I can outlast almost anyone. But you know what, depsite my efforts when it's all over with I am still left with the knowledge of my inabilty to change anything. "Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30. That's me : heavy laden. I feel the weight of my marriage on my back, I feel the weight of my children on my back, I feel the weight of suffering people across the world on my back, I feel the weight of my own twisted heart and mind begging to be redeemed and changed. Christ doesn't ask me to carry any of that. He says "I've already taken care of all that. Just trust Me." What he asks of me is to plow a straight line of obediance to Him. To be like the cow in the yoke illustration I will have to stop worrying about the outcome and just concern myself with doing what he asks. You think a cow is worried over the upcoming harvest? NO! He just does his job and if he's blessed with a good farmer he'll get his fair share of the harvest. Folks we are blessed with the best Farmer and he takes care of all his workers. Jesus keep teaching me, keep changing me, keep caring for me. You are amazing at what You do. Lord You can handle it all. I trust You with my relationships and my character. You WILL create something beautiful from my life!!! Let it all be for Your glory.

vacation 2010

So just got back from Orlando, Fl. Three days in the car with three kids!!! Seriously I never want to see my van again and neither does Calvin, but all in all it went better than I expected. I wanted to recap the vacation while it's still on my mind. Highlights:
Watching Lucy watching Blue Horizons at sea world. It's a dolphin show and it has acrobats and birds. It is really awesome, way better than the whale shows that sea world is famous for. Anyway Lucy loved it and watched it twice. She now pretends to be a dolphin trainer. There was one trainer dressed in pick that she said was a princess and she insisted on meeting afterward, of course she got shy when we went up there but it was so precious!
Rideing kid rides at Sea World with Jack. After riding the carousel he threw a fit to ride it again. Of course you don't want your kids to throw fits, but sometimes you just have to laugh and I did. On one ride he screamed like he was on a roller coaster, it was hilarious!
Floating on the lazy river with Calvin. I kinda felt like Calvin was in the background this week but the last day I got to spend some extra time with him floating on the lazy river. He sat on my belly so peaceful and just chatted with me. Mainly we just said "Dadadada". It was quite the conversation.
The overall highlight was stopping to see the beach on our way home. We only stayed for about an hour and a half, but it was such a sweet, fun time with just my little family that I will always remember! All three kids loved the sand and were covered in it when we left. But Calvin really liked the water and I would hold him with his back to on oncoming wave and when it would hit him he would laugh and laugh. If you know me very well then you know I LOVE swimming, so standing there holding Calvin and him not being scared one bit I just thought "boy he is my child"!
Also Busch Gardens has a great children's area with lots of rides and Sesame Street characters and shows. I really wish we had more time to spend there.
On the last night me, Bryan, Dane and Heather (and baby yerton, yes she's preggers) went to Downtown Disney which was awesome! If you go to Orlando I would say go to Downtown Disney. It's not actually in Disney World, it's free to go there. It has shops and resturants and lots of other attractions that's great for families.
So Orlando gets a 5 star rating from me, but if you plan to go there pick what you really want to do and leave yourself at the minimum 10 days there, because there is TONS to do and a week is just not long enough!

So it's been a while. I tend to loose intrest in things quickly and I am trying not to do that with blogging because it's a nice outlet for me. but after the kids go to bed I just like to spend time with bryan, so that is why I haven't made any time. Anyway changes that have occured since my last blog, Calvin is crawling quite proficiently, Jack is really starting to talk a lot more, and Lucy continues to get more and more like me everyday. I have always said how much she is like her dad, which she is, but this year I am seeing so much of me in her. She is really starting to play games like a big kid. She will watch a show and then pretend to be characters from the show. The other day she even played the Duggars. Hilarious! But the quality that I see in her that saddens me is my anxiety. As a child (and still) I had a lot of fears and worries. I see Lucy going down that path of fear over lies that satan feeds her. Sometimes she is totally controled by irrational fears that I can't talk her down from. The other day we went to the park and a little boy was blowing spit bubbles. Lucy became convinced that this boy was mean and was trying to get her with his spit bubbles, she spent 20 min. not playing and wanting to sit in my lap. I finally had to take her over to the little boy and let her see that he was fine, she still didn't really play until he left. I know this may seem kinda silly but I take her fears very seriously. Fear is a powerful tool of control and I do not want her surrending to fear. I still feel that there is a stronghold in my own heart regarding fear. I need my Jesus to fill me with courage in the knowledge of His inevitable victory over anything bad and scary. That is what I want for my little girl too. For her to hear Christ's precious voice of reason, calling her to safety and peace. He is such a protective savior, He will not fail in keeping me safe from harm. So my pray for Lucy is that for every time satan fills her with fear, Christ and His sweet spirit would fill me with words from Him to her until the day that His spirit comes to dwell in her.

"Lucy wants to see you"

So I am going to be really honest. I am having a loser day!! You know one of those days when you feel like a loser but don't know why. I think it has something to do with getting online and being able to see what everyone you've ever known is currently doing which causes you to start comparing your "boring life" with people whose lives are very different. Let me just say that mostly I feel very positive about my life and accomplishments but we all have days like this right? I had to work today and I am a big baby about working my 12 hours a week, so I seem to always feel like this on work days. I don't envy Bryan! When I got home from work tonight Bryan said "Lucy wants to see you, I don't know if she is still awake". So I went in their bedroom and Jack was out, nothing wakes him up, but there was Lucy at 9:45pm almost 2 hours past bedtime waiting for me. As soon as she saw that it was me her face lit up and she hugged me so sweetly and said "I love you mama". We sat and talked for a few minutes then I told her a bedtime story and she fell asleep right away. She was just waiting for me! When you are dealing with snotty noses and poopy pants it's really easy to feel unaccomplished. I am really thankful for moments like this one with my Lucy that remind me of what a job I have been given in raising my kids. It is really nice to be Lucy, Jack and Calvin's mama!

lucy, jack and calvin: the three best kids!

Here's an update:

Lucy: She is still my most challenging child, maybe it's just a first kid thing. She is soo much like her daddy. She is funny and outgoing. And still demands constant entertainment. I am trying very hard not to let her walk all over me, but it is a challenge. With her you must be ready at all times for new things, again I think that goes back to her being my first. She is a sweet girl but she is also needy.
She likes to swim, watch movies, hang out with bunny in her room, have friends over, go places, play outside, she LOVES to read! She is very good with structered lessons and art projects, I think she do really well in school.
Right now her favorite toy is Jessie from Toy Story 2, which she likes to recite when she plays with her.
Her rules that she knows by heart are 1. be nice to your family 2.don't whine 3.Listen 4. don't lie, that last one is new and she is still learning exactly what that means!
One of the cutest things she does is that when anyone leaves they must get a hug and kiss and it is very upseting if that doesn't happen! This applies to EVERYONE.What a sweetie!


Jack: My challenges with Jackie are his fit throwing and determination. When he puts his mind to something you can't stop him. But most of the time he is VERY happy. He is finally making progress potty training but we are taking it slow!
Jackie likes to play with his cars, play outside, go outside and scream (can't take it inside), swim, tear things up, jump off things, wrestle... you know boy stuff! He can tolerate reading but can't sit still long which may be challenging later on. but for now it works to my advantage because he is so good at entertaining himself.
He is still working on learning to talk it is slow but steady. He's added a new "Jack" word to the mix bideet. All in all he is a weird kid, really I say that to him several times a day!

Calvin: He is my bouncy, baby boy. he is fat and happy and super friendly. He is still the best baby in the world, although he hates naps, he sleeps fine at night. He is totally fascinated by jack and lucy. He spends alot of time watching them play. He hasn't started big food yet and still nurses every three hours, Which is why he is so fat.
At naptime he gets all sweaty and stinky, its my fav!

love those kids!!!!!

Jesus + America

I hate to break my blogging silence with something like this but I am going to anway. warning this will be offensive to some, so if you don't feel like being offended please don't read this! Today I heard a man at church (not mine) talking about the "the good old days" back in the 40s when people didn't go to the movies on Sunday, and he was hoping/praying that we could get "back to God". It reminded me of something Mark Driscoll said "Jesus plus anything ruins everything". I felt like for this guy it was Jesus+ America. And that seems to be a lot of Christians additude. They think that somehow this was or is God's nation. Particularly many seem to think that because of things like homosexuality and abortion our nation is "worse" than it once was. But have they forgotten about slavery or how in the gloriuos 40s black people were expected to literally take a back seat to white people and that bi racial children were considered vial!! How is it that those atrocities are more godly than our national sins of today! Let me say I am very thankful for my national freedom but my emphasis and hope is in my spiritual freedom and that has never and will never come from any country. There is no such thing as a christian nation just christian individuals. If you need something to fight for fight for the gospel of Christ.

Life update and Mom tribute

Well we have been so busy lately. I don't really know how it happened maybe it's just due to how long everything takes when you have 3 kids under the age of 3. I was reading in Ecclesiaties the other day, that famous passage that says "A time to..." well when I read "a time to be born" it really made me think about God's timing in my life and how He has chosen to bless me with three beautiful kids. I am trully thankful! Having said that I know that my patience is on high demand and low supply. Lately my sweet Jack has been asserting his own free will a lot. Especially in the area of food. I think he's just using that though as an outlet for stubborness, because he's even refusing to eat things like PB&J that I'm sure he likes. Plus the lack of mommy time , since calvin was born, is catching up with him. Lately he's been throwing a fit when I have to nurse calvin and has even asked to nurse a few times even though it's been about 7 months since he last did.

I feel like I have a lot on my plate, but that's way it goes one week you feel so totally fulfilled by all these things going on in your life and the next thing you know those very same things have you feeling overwhelmed. Lately I've been dwelling on peoples sin instead of on Christ's love. Don't get me wrong sin living in people's lives has to be dealt with but if that's all you think about you will feel defeated, and I have. I need to just give praise to my sweet Jesus who loves me and all others with unfailing love that I don't yet comprehend!

This blog has been kinda random but that just shows I have a lot on my mind. I do want to recognize that it's Mom's day tomorrow and not only am I a mom who's really hoping to take it easy tomorrow, but I have to say I trully have the world's greatest mama and mother-in-law. I couldn't do have of what I do without my mom around! I have never a day in my life paid for a babysitter. I'm so glad that both my mom and Bryan's mom are always positive with me. They never give unasked for advice and respect my decisions with my kids. I love you both!